Getting Your Priorities Straight

Dear Soph-
One of my favorite quotes is from Mark Twain: Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.

Take a minute and let that marinate.

Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.

I found this quote when I was about 23. Living on my own, done with college, working my first job in marketing. I loved living on my own. I loved my apartment. I was (and still am) a very independent person and was thrilled to be in the real world. I was dating someone at the time who didn’t put me first. I was the option. And I was doing everything in my power to make him the priority. And you know what? It got old. I started resenting the way I was being treated. But I held on for a little while, thinking…hoping…that he would change. That one day he would realize how awesome I was and start making more of an effort. Start doing things that I wanted to do. Start wanting to really get to know me. But it didn’t happen. And I put forth all the effort. And went out of my way to make him happy. And it was never really reciprocated.

So I decided one day that I would rather be alone than be an option. If I was going to go out of my way to make anyone happy, why shouldn’t it be me?

This is so true for any relationship you have in life. Friendships and romantic relationships. Don’t allow yourself to be the option. And if you do find yourself as the option, I pray you find the strength and the confidence to make a positive change and walk away. You’re better off by yourself, finding ways to make you happy. Exploring the world around you and discovering what makes you tick. What you’re passionate about. What makes your life worth living. Because when you do find that someone, then you’ll know exactly what you want from them. And why waste the energy on someone who can’t find the energy for you?

So please remember that you are quite a catch. Anyone would be privileged to call you a friend or girlfriend or wife. Don’t waste your time or your tears on anyone who does not see that or who doesn’t fall down in prayer, thanking their lucky stars that you chose them.

Because I thank God every night that He chose me to be your mom.

Love, Mom

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