Wise Beyond Your…Year

Dear Soph-
Happy Birthday! Today you are one. I really don’t understand how that happened. I mean, just yesterday we were driving you home from the hospital – playing “Coming Home” by Diddy featuring Skylar Grey – because, you know, we’re cool like that.

What a year it has been, kid. You are no longer a “baby”…you are becoming your own little person. And, though bittersweet, it’s pretty awesome to witness. I love watching you learn and grow. Everything is new to you…literally…everything. And that is just so cool to see. What a privilege I have been bestowed to help you discover the world around you.

And with all things I may have helped teach you throughout this past year, I also see that you have taught me just as much – if not more.

What Love Is
Oh the love. It’s indescribable, really. I haven’t found the right words…I don’t believe there are any to do it justice. It did not happen overnight. It has grown – exponentially – over this past year. And just when I think I couldn’t possibly love you any more than I already do, my heart grows a little bigger, and I find myself tearing up just thinking about it.

It actually hurts sometimes. It has made me so incredibly vulnerable. But with that vulnerability has come a strength I never knew I possessed. What started out as daunting – the thought of being responsible for someone else’s well being, their growth, their happiness, their dreams, their fears – has now become something that I wouldn’t trade or give up for anything in this world.

Spirituality and Gratitude
The whole concept of having a baby – that I carried you for nine months – you grew from cells into a human. It’s a miracle. It truly is a miracle. We created you. Mind. Officially. Blown.

And the way I look at it is this: God chose me to be your Mom. He has given me the greatest privilege. And with this privilege he has made me realize how unbelievably blessed I am. I have a healthy, happy, thriving daughter. I am surrounded by the most amazing family and friends. I have my own health. I have a warm, loving home. I have a great job with the most supportive boss.

I have truly been blessed much more than I deserve. When you were born it was like a light bulb went off…and those things that I once took for granted are now the things that I stop and thank God for every single day.

So that’s why I pray. Every night. I have a ways to go…I’m still not in church every Sunday (as Grandma Barb can attest to!)…but I make it a point to pray every single day. And when you are a little older, I will be in church on Sundays and you will be there with me. I want to instill that sense of gratitude in you.

Patience
I’ve never really thought of myself as a patient person. And while I think you will continue teaching me this lesson as you grow up, there is no doubt in my mind I’m becoming more proficient as time goes by (don’t get me wrong…I have my days).

This includes patience with myself. As I continue to grow in this role of “Mom,” I’ve learned to not be so hard on myself. I’ve learned that “this too shall pass” and to understand that every day is a new day.

Let it go
This is something that your dad has helped me with over the years. The old adage “water off a duck’s back” (as I often heard my uncle saying). Your dad has helped me become more lighthearted. He’s taught me that I don’t need to let everything get to me…some things you should just let go. You’ve brought this concept to a new level for me. Looking at you, it’s easier for me to see what’s important and what’s not. What’s worth my time and what’s not. Who is worth my time…and who isn’t.

You’ve helped put my world into a different perspective.

Fun
I will do anything to see you smile. That includes dancing like a crazy person in the middle of Michael’s Craft store to Kool and the Gang’s Celebration. Or cha cha-ing around the dining room while you eat breakfast and we listen to Paul Simon’s Late in the Evening. I can make a complete fool of myself. But if I can elicit a smirk, a giggle, or a belly laugh you better believe I will keep up my antics.

Your dad and I always have fun together…we can make each other laugh easily. But you’ve upped the fun factor, kid. For both of us.

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So in your short time on this Earth, you have become quite the professor. I am not the same person I was a year ago and I have you to thank for that. I am so excited for the next year…and the year after that…and the year after that…

To borrow a lyric from one of my favorite musicals: “Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better?”

Believe me, kid, I have.

Love, Mom

I Am THAT Mom

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Dear Soph-
I saw a sign outside of your daycare room when I dropped you off this morning asking parents to sign a form if they wanted their kids to wear sunscreen when playing outside.

Naturally, I immediately tracked down the Director of the center and requested a new form, where I could write in the exact brand of sunscreen I wanted you to wear (rather than have them use whatever they stock up on at the center). Not only did I write down the brand, but – being the long-winded type of gal that I am – I took it a step further and used all of the extra blank space they so kindly left at the bottom to elaborate on exactly what I expected whenever you are taken outside. Part of those instructions included that you are to wear a sun hat at all times when out of doors. Sorry, kid. I am that mom.

Your dad took one look at the form, laughed, and said “After reading this they probably won’t even bother taking her out.”

While I hope that’s not the case, I admit I went overboard on my instructions. I own it. But I don’t feel bad about it at all. There are certain things I am particularly sensitive about when it  comes to your care and sun protection is very high on my list. I am that mom.

So I thought I should prepare you, kid. Here is a list of some additional things you have in store for you as you grow up:

I am that mom…who will probably tear up (or weep openly) when I watch you do something you love, or achieve something new, or learn how to read, or go to your first school dance, or…you get the picture. Have the tissues ready because I can be an emotional gal.

I am that mom…who will act like a total goof in front of your friends because, not only do I think it’s funny to embarrass you ever so slightly, I’m also hoping it will ensure you don’t take yourself too seriously.

I am that mom…who will make you write thank you notes after receiving gifts – for any occasion. Because, gratitude is important.

I am that mom…who will not let you stay home from school unless you are REALLY sick. I come by it honestly, kid. I grew up with an ER nurse for a mom – an ER nurse who worked the night shift – so unless I had a disturbingly high fever or a much-needed appendage dangling by a tendon, I went to school. As my mom always used to say: “The walk to school will do you good.”

I am that mom…who will arrive an hour early to your recitals (or performances of any kind) to ensure I am seated in the front row, on the correct side of the stage (or sports field?) so we have an optimal viewpoint of my baby girl. In dire situations, when I’m concerned about jockeying for the best seats, I will not be ashamed to have my mother fake a minor asthma attack – as she had my grandmother do – to allow us even earlier entry than the rest of the parents so your dear sweet Grammy can sit down in a comfortable chair to rest and catch her breath. And if that comfortable chair just happens to be stage right in the front row, then so be it.

I am that mom…who will not allow you to have a cell phone before junior high (I prefer high school, but I realize I must pick my battles), nor will I really believe that the absence of said cell phone is costing you friends.

I am that mom…who, upon hearing you have been invited over to a friend’s house for a party, will call your friend’s mother to thank her for having you over and to ask if you can bring any refreshments – no matter how many times you INSIST your friend’s parents are aware of the shindig and will be home to supervise. My sister was caught many a time with this little trick I learned from my mom.

I am that mom…who will insist on family traditions – like bedtime rituals, game nights, Christmas Eve activities, secret handshakes with your dad, summer reading competitions and the like. I love thinking back and remembering things we did as a family when I was growing up and I want the same memories and traditions for you to pass on.

I am that mom…who will make you volunteer when school is out for the summer. Nursing homes, hospitals, animal shelters – you can pick the what and the where, but it’s happening.

I am that mom…who secretly wishes you grow up with the same passions that I did – playing the piano, singing, writing, reading – and I may ask that you TRY some of these things, but I will be your biggest supporter no matter what strikes your fancy.

I am that mom…who will never let a single day go by without telling you – out loud – how proud I am of you and how much I love you.

Love, Mom